Monthly Archives: December 2011

Caterpillar Series 5: One plea


Just as I am without one plea
But that thy blood
Was shed for me
But as you bid me come to thee
Oh Lamb of God, I come
I come…

And this time I come with my bags and baskets full. Full of every disappointment, every hurt, every failed promise, every dashed expectation. I come with hope. Hope for new dreams, hope of the fulfilment of old ones. I come because only You can help me. I’m frail and tired… I have tried a lot of things in my strenght, and each time I’ve failed. It’s not that I like to challenge You or anything… I think you made me a ‘doer’, an ‘action lady’, in a good way, I think… But mixing with this flesh I carry, it tends to appear like a bad thing. I get ahead of myself often. And more often, ahead of You. And then when everything fails and/or I get disappointed again, I say You’ve disaapointed me again. I’m sorry. Really sorry. You have nothing but love for me. And I’m not easy to love…

So, my house hunting abi? I was really sad at the turn of events today but I trust You to work out the best for me. I know You don’t ‘make do’. I don’t expect You to ‘make do’ with me. So I’ll wait for Your best. And eerr… You know we don’t have so much time..? Yeah, okay, got it!

I love You too.


Caterpillar Series 4: When God says ‘NO!’ *insert evil angry smiley*


I’m not a religious person, and lately I’ve been a bit of an unbeliever. I’ve severally acted contrary to thoughts I’d professed and words I’d once believed. And since actions speak much louder than words, I wonder if I still believe… Anyway, that’s not the point of this post. I used to canvass (vehemently and passionately) several opinions about the way God responds to human pleas. Forgive my presumtous attitude, but I kind of assumed that God would have a ‘way He operates’. I’m not sure if He does. And maybe his not having a way is His way… *sigh*

Back to my point, I’m sure you’ve heard this before. “When you pray, God either says ‘Yes!’, ‘No’ or ‘Hold On A Bit’. I never agreed. But lately, in my life, I’m beginning to wonder if my superior thinking has not become my undoing. Godd’s word says His promises to us are ‘Yes and so be it’. I also know that my experiences do not define God, only His Word does (I’m not even gonna debate what that is/should be). But there has to be a link or connection somehow. His Word cannot reveal His power if it doesn’t have a life to transform. Yeah, I know, we have trees and sparkling blue rivers and flowers (and lately hurricanes and sand storms) to testify and all that, but how many people connect the greatness of God to the Chrysanthemums in their gardens??? When we scream that God is ‘awesome’ we are typically more often than not referring to a transformed life or a miracle with a man involved. So, why won’t God be great in MY life??? All I ever asked was to be…… And what’s worse is that He has never really said no to everything, more like ‘ok… aite… let’s see how it goes…’. And its been frustrating, excruciating and heart breaking waiting for Him to ‘give’ the final answer. I still don’t have it yet.

So what do I do? How do I ‘occupy’ while God’s still saying no? What can I do to make Him review his former position and approve my requisitions?

I have a few ideas, but not yet the answer. I believe the end is proof of ‘rightness’ of the means…

1. God never says ‘NO’.
As I say this, I bite myself. Cos ev every hurt in me says I lie. But His word is Truth. He said I ask and I don’t get it when I ask in response to my greed or lust. But I’m not. I just want the simple things… Whatever the blurs in my head, in my heart, I know, He never says no. He’d never ever ever turn me down.

2. God nevers says ‘maybe’, ‘hold on’ or ‘not yet’.
Back to the ‘asking amiss’ theory. You can ask out of time, it don’t mean he said ‘not yet’. Your ‘manifestation’ may just take a while longer… (Sounds like religious hogwash, but no other way I could say it). Bottom line, its in His Word(as in on the menu, available in heaven)? He says Yes!

3. Know the 2 points above and believe them.

4. Get on with the rest of your life.
I’m sure you have other things you live for beyond this present need… Yeah, keep living.

5. Get angry. Get mad. But don’t stay there
I don’t know how else to say this… Just don’t stay mad. Be consciously grateful for all the other stuff you got. Like life, clothes, family (if you have ’em) e.t.c.

6. Don’t be afraid to think through your doubts with God.
One thing I know, God isn’t afraid of a man thinking…

I’m still in this process so I’ll let you know how it ends when I get out 😉