Monthly Archives: November 2010

mortality, immortality and other musings

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I’m so sorry to have to start on this note… I’m off to bury a friend today. He could have been a very good friend. I could have had the most fantastic memories with him. I could have had loads of memories of me and him together, pictures, videos, capturing all our laughs, mischief and/or runs. But I don’t. All I have is one experience that changed my life. It’s interesting how mundane encounters can have the most profound effect on your life. My experience with him was even interrupted by some over eager matchmaker! True to type, I walked away quietly, never got the chance to finish the conversation. I remember him saying we would finish this. He said I wouldn’t ecsape him this time… I did. We never continued the conversation. In the frailty of my insecurities, I never brought it up again. I could have said, “hey mister! You were supposed to continue to get to know me and drag me out of this shell I shamelessly hide behind whilst acting grumpy and mean, knowing fully well that I’m not and as you have seen, have a sweet, deep and reflective side (80%) that most people not as intuitive as your smart self can see!!!!” I never did. And we never did. Rather, we did this ‘ I don’t really send you cos of what you did to so and so’. Well, I did. He didn’t. Now he’s gone.

The worst part is, courtesy of traffic and my not knowing how far the funeral venue was, I missed the ceremony. They had laid him to rest before I got there. I couldn’t say goodbye, couldn’t find tearful company amongst the rest of those that will miss you sore. I think I prefer it, anywayz. Cos, in my head, you live on. In my heart, the memory of what you represent lives, everyday. And I learnt more from your passing than I allowed myself learn from your living. I learnt to:

Live: it’s only those who trully live that get the best of everything, friends, love, life and other mysteries.

Forgive: every one errs… Alas, to err makes one human. To forgive isn’t divine, it’s smart. You save time and win plenty, gain much and did I mention win plenty??? …when you forgive. Forgive those you love especially. Also forgive those you merely like. The ones that you are not sure of what you feel? Forgive them too. And those you absolutely detest? They are not worth the hate anyway, so, let them go. If anyone hurts you, it’s not cos they want to, it’s cos they are human.

Love: love life. And live it. I have no clue how to.

Fight: tooth and nail. Like your life depends on it. You fought, from what I heard. And you did not lose, you won! And you bowed out when the ovation was at crescendo! You lucky bugger!

Dream: someone said only those who dream truly live. You had big dreams, and you acted like you had it all mapped out I hear. I guess this also goes with living. Dream big. Did I mention regardless?

I hope to have lived a life as impacful as yours when my time is up. I never really like to think of that, you know? I’m sure you can understand my fear. But if I can, without a shadow of doubt, wake up and say that I have had on those around me, the effect you had on us all today, even in the throes of pain, I think I would be satisfied. I would go, knowing that while I live forever yonder, I will never die here in the hearts and lives of those I have been with.

Live forever, Starchild! Live forever young!
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