My dearest baby girl,
I’m sure by now, you’d be grown. We’d have gone through the many stages of your life and mine, and by now, we’d be bffs! I pray so! I haven’t had you yet, but I love you so much, so passionately! Of recent, you have become the reason for some my choices, chances I’m taking… It’s not been easy being me… Heady, strong willed, scared (most times) and free spirited… And I’m having this feeling that you’d be a lot like me. You’d more than often want to have your way… You’d be a tad idealistic… Probably multitalented too with a ‘contrary’ streak. I know you’d want to chart your own course and not follow my great big steps. You may be irritated or motivated by my extreme popularity or relevance of what you find me doing. Some folks may label you by my accomplishments… I trust you to refuse all such tags! Lol! You are so going to be like me… And the more I think about it, the more scared I get… It’s been hard, still is sometimes… being me… It sure would be harder to be you. Cos you’d be a higher grade of me. Improved. More multifaceted. More feisty. More restless… Probably more layers… And knowing what it’s cost me, plus all I’ve done in my abject stupidity, I’m torn between the selfish choice of holding you in my arms, watching you grow, knowing and loving you and letting you stay safe where you are… But I’m not sure you’ll always be mine if you never come here… It’s settled then. I’m having you. You will be like me. All woman. All passion. All fire. And great grace. But if I can’t promise you a smooth sail through the raging waves, I can and will make sure you get the best sailor ever!
Like I said, whenever I see your face, imagine touching those dimpled cheeks, seeing your mischievous smile, I remember why I have to do some things right. I’m gonna get you the best daddy in the world! For your sake, baby, I’m shopping with my eyes wide open. As much as I want him to love me, as much as I want to have passion and thrills with him, I want him, above all that, to be your best friend, your guardian angel, your first love, your navigator. I know you will have God and love Him dearly. I know you will serve Him too. But I want you to find it easy to love and worship your daddy too. Trust me, God’s part will be a lot easier…
I don’t know how I’m gonna do it yet… I’ll ask God to help me. But, by jove, I’m getting you the best father any girl could ever wish for. He’ s gonna teach you so many things! I smile just thinking about the way he will love you and how he would protect you! He’ll be there for all your mistakes and triumphs. Every scrapped knee, ballet classes or taekwando lessons, sewing or football training… Recitals or open days… Your first crush, first heart ache or heart break… He’ll be the boyfriend you can always rebound on. And he’ll love you unconditionally every time. He’ll be totally fab, your daddy.
Eerr… I must warn you, he’ll probably not like all your male friends, especially the ones you introduce as boyfriends (please make them few… thank you!) or agree with all your choices. Your preferences will be different from his, and you will fight him, I will laugh and worry when you guys get at it! Laugh more and worry less, cos I can trust he’ll always be able to reach you. You’ll be safe with him, your daddy…
He’ll know a lot too, and teach you some. But soon, you’ll be teaching him too. He’s a bit old fashioned, you see, you’ll have to understand where he’s coming from, the 70s… Plus, he’s not like us… He’s more stable… He does like change, only a bit more cautious than we both are… It’s one of the many reasons why I think he’ll make the best dad for you. He likes sport… minimally, thank God! But I think you can force a few games out of him if you want. He doesn’t do fashion, though he has an amazing sense of style. Trust him when he says you look gorgeous… at least until you are 18 and having dates. I will be there all the time… don’t plan on leaving you, ever! But, he’ll be the one cheering you louder than anyone else in the hall. He’ll be the one settling our scores, cos he knows us both. Trust him, baby, I do.
You will have it all, my love! All of me, and all of him to guide you through the crazy world of being like your mother, the woman he loves best… after you, of course.
So, I’m gonna keep praying, and keep making this choice of ‘him’, because I love him, and because I know you will love him too. But more because he will be the bestest daddy in all the whole wide world!