I had started this write-up before, but then I was in a hurry, so I decided to start it again. First, let me introduce my muse. Her name is Esther or Hadassah, and I am very glad I was able to meet her under less formal circumstances as the case had been in the past.
If, you’ve ever been unsatisfied with your status quo, then you will understand what is following this line.
Early this year, I found myself in pursuit of something. I couldn’t for the life of me say what it was. But I knew that something was calling me away from all I had come to terms with. Anyway, before I begin to digress, this post is not about me. It’s about Esther, a young girl who found herself in the unexpected pursuit of purpose and meaning of life. I came across the book “Hadassah- One night with the King” by Tommy Tenney and for the first time, I saw the book of Esther as something other than a spiritual guide on how to find a mate (yes, guilty as charged). First, I like it when things are given flesh and placed in the middle of reality. That is my challenge with most books written by… again, I digress.
Like I was saying earlier, I started a search, for fulfillment, for something real? Or like Will Smith, for happiness. I was sore unhappy. I could pin point a good number of things they were not going quite as planned and a few more that had gone totally out of control. But none of these things could explain the depth of my pain and frustration. I blamed it on the church, on me and my tendencies to want to please everyone, on anything that could shoulder the blame… None of that helped anyway. So I decided to leave a few of the familiars for something rather… unfamiliar. (Now that’s another story) in the end, jus like the boy who did not know how to celebrate, I found out that all I ever wanted had been in my all along. I had just forgotten hoe to find it. Now, I’m on a different journey. The pursuit of purpose.
Like Esther, I have questioned God’s wisdom, aloud and in my heart many times. I never can understand how He does what he does. Trusting Him is the greatest show of my faith. When I read those book about Esther I got to see a lot of things differently. As a newer believer, I used to say that purpose is not a destination, but a daily obligation. You never get there, you only live it out by living in obedience every day. I also used to say that finding God’s wisdom and staying with it translates to destiny. But from experience I realised that I, like the children of Isreal, somehow had my mind-set on a final destination here on earth. I wanted to arrive, and ‘rest from all my labours’. I wanted to heave a sigh of relief and sink into the lush comfort of ‘the end’. But not only was that not in sight, the entire ‘living for God’s purpose’ drama had become tedious! And like my people say, I started looking for something that wasn’t missing. To make up for what was gone.
Anyway, I have to end this somehow. I guess what I am trying to say is this. Life is not to be lived in pursuit of happiness. It is to be lived in pursuit of purpose.
Now, it’s a different story. I have had my euraka! moment again. This time in better perspective. I still believe that purpose in God is not a destination. It is many steps taken in the right direction. I also believe that daily wisdom from God equals living in destiny. In addition to these old pinnacles of my faith in God, I now realise that the presence of troubles or tribulations is not the absence of God or the tangible presence of the Godhead. I also realise that I can have challenges being sorted out and still have God. Like Jesus said, in this world, loads of mega issues will come. But since I’m to expect them, I should be well prepared, yes? No! I also have come to realise that I may be blown outta my mind with the challenges that come. But even then, even if my mind does not agree, I must know in my heart that He is in the center of that storm, all because I’m in it too.
This post has to end somehow, and I’m beginning to feel like I’m dragging unnecessarily. The summary of what I’m trying to say is this: Life is not lived in search of happiness, it is lived in search of purpose.