In the begining

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‘It’s been a long time coming, this my becoming’

Wrote a piece called becoming sometime ago. At the time, I felt like I had just gone through a re-definition phase and I had finally become me. You can imagine my surprise when, months after, I realised ‘it’ wasn’t done yet. And like echoes in an empty room, that line keeps coming to me:
‘It’s been a long time coming, this my becoming’

Anyhoo, I can say this has been the most frightfuk, the most adventurous and the most fulfilling thing I’ve done in my almost 30 odd years of existince. I have practically lived on the brink of insanity these past few months. I sometimes feel I’m still there. The norm has ceased to make sense. My thirst for something that matter, something that counts, has led me to selflessness, through selfishness, all the way back to self-centeredness and healthy liberality. And in the end, it all begins to make some form of sense now. How I have to live for me to be able to live for another, how it has to matter to me, for me before I can be successful about it. Ramblings, aye? I understand.

All in all, I think I am wiser now. I realise that I am nothing, know nothing, asides the cords that God in his wisdom has bound me with, and the yokes that he has bound me to. And, yikes! I have become friends with my fears. I realised that I could not conquer them all, at least not within months. I figure that since it took me all these years to fortify the fears, it would take a while to pull them down. So, rather than fight them all and lose to them all, I have made friends with some of them and conquered the ones that stood no chance. My new friends… they may not visit often, but I’m not taken aback when they show up. I am prepared for their appearances, and I take their visits in stride. We don’t fight anymore, this time, we, my fears, strenghts and I, are all working together to make a better me.

And yes, in this time I have made new friends too (physical friends). Re-classified some, upgraded few… All in all, its been a revealing experience! One particular friend listens, another one prods me in whatever direction I choose to go. Then I have one with whom I feel quite useful, cos I’m always a shoulder to lean on. I’m still waiting for the one who sticks closer than a brother. The one who my tears will not scare or irritate. Like one of my new friends said, “an inspirer, a catalyst for my gifts”. I like that last one. Eeaanyways, this is the official launching of ze blog. I will try to be constant and funny and witty and all that. I can’t promise to match your type of humor. But I can promise to be real. Honest. And share, from the depths of my heart. I hope it will make you laugh and make you smile. I am also praying it will encourage you too. Just as much as I have been encouraged by some of you.

Become(ing)

It’s been long coming
this my becoming
these days have been merely rehash
the clouds had been forming
this morning’s glory
a minute before the priestly ash
and while I was waiting
patiently seething
concealing the feelings i do not know
i tried pretending
borrowing and lending
parts of me or not that don’t fit so
and now beguiling
the little deceptions
and tricks that matter less than me
I’m slowly rewinding
and forwadly sliding
transforming today on my knees
in quiet reformation
void of adulation
i worship the patience of the Creator’s hands
for while He was forming
I did not relent in turning
to twist my way out of fastening bands
though clearly He saw me
believing right through me
He took his love farther than I could ask
its been long coming
this my becoming
like light after a hot dark day
and now as i am forming
and as He keeps lording
I no more fear the fruits of stay.

Eerr.. Sorry, something’s on teevee that I don’t wanna miss. Ciao!

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